Joe Shelby ([info]acroyear70) wrote in [info]classical_music,
2008-01-07 13:57:00
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  • Music: Mike Oldfield - Art In Heaven

The Composer Effect

Taken from a recent email going around...
A recent report now says that the popular "Mozart Effect" is another charming urban legend. The bad news for the hip urban professionals : playing Mozart for your designer baby will noti mprove his IQ or help him get into that exclusive pre-school. Of course, we're all better off for listening to Mozart purely for the
pleasure of it. However, one wonders whether, if playing Mozart sonatas for little Tiffany or Jason could boost their intelligence, what would happen if other composers were played during the kiddies' developmental time?

LISZT EFFECT:  Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume -that he's dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

IVES EFFECT: The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

GLASS EFFECT: The child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: The child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds. (Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.)

Any others?  I could get a bit rude with

HORNER EFFECT: Child only says sentences assembled from phrases spoken by the other kids in class.

or perhaps

STRAUSS EFFECT: Child insists his 15,000 word vocabulary is big enough for anybody and doesn't see why he should have to learn any more words.

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  • 46 comments

[info]ceallaighgirl

January 7 2008, 19:01:58 UTC 4 years ago

HA! Thank you for that. :-)

[info]gallianoparfait

January 7 2008, 19:21:20 UTC 4 years ago

Knock, knock. Who's there?
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Knock, knock. Who's there?

Philip Glass.
Philip Glass.
Philip Glass.
Philip Glass.

[info]voiceboxx

January 7 2008, 21:21:42 UTC 4 years ago

hahaha XD

[info]lpstudio999

4 years ago

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[info]gallianoparfait

4 years ago

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[info]fiorucci01

January 7 2008, 19:29:59 UTC 4 years ago

Made me smile. Thanks :D

[info]arremmmdee

January 7 2008, 20:17:22 UTC 4 years ago

Lovely. My day is complete!

[info]purgatoryreject

January 7 2008, 20:34:51 UTC 4 years ago

SHOSTAKOVICH EFFECT: Extremely talented child made to shut up and do as he's told.

[info]leboyfriend

January 7 2008, 22:30:03 UTC 4 years ago

Ouch!

[info]purgatoryreject

4 years ago

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[info]fr_defenestrato

4 years ago

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[info]purgatoryreject

4 years ago

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[info]piony

January 7 2008, 21:01:49 UTC 4 years ago

Funny, thank you.

[info]jaimeunecrepe

January 7 2008, 21:02:12 UTC 4 years ago

this made my day complete! amazing.

[info]anicca_anicca

January 7 2008, 21:20:35 UTC 4 years ago

:D

[info]reconditarmonia

January 7 2008, 21:25:49 UTC 4 years ago

Gleeee.

SALIERI EFFECT: Child is good, but not a genius, and may stalk and murder rivals.

OFFENBACH EFFECT: Child is bouncy as hell but at times says things that creep his/her parents out.

[info]r_flautist

January 7 2008, 21:42:03 UTC 4 years ago

Thanks for the lovely microcosm of composerly quirks.

Bach effect: child speaks with perfect diction and word order, speech is then analyzed extensively in preschools for the next 300 years.

Bartok effect: child studies sounds made by less linguistically-developed children, incorporates phrases into speech.

Debussy effect: child uses long, complicated vocabulary but speaks with Asian word order.

[info]hykue

January 8 2008, 00:59:40 UTC 4 years ago

LOL at Debussy :)

[info]r_flautist

4 years ago

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[info]voiceboxx

4 years ago

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[info]justformusic

January 7 2008, 22:23:47 UTC 4 years ago

Haha, this is hilarious!!

[info]leboyfriend

January 7 2008, 22:31:05 UTC 4 years ago

I am still deciding whether this is more clever than funny or vice versa! I love it!

[info]leboyfriend

January 7 2008, 22:42:21 UTC 4 years ago

I write a weekly blog for the Portland Opera (www.portlandopera.org) and I propose to steal this list pretty much wholesale and incorporate it into next week's entry. I do not know the email which you mention so I think I should credit you. I shall add any other composers 'effects' that I see here in the next few days and which seem to be similarly worthy.

[info]acroyear70

January 7 2008, 22:45:18 UTC 4 years ago

Do NOT credit me for anything other than the two I added at the bottom. Try googling for a bit and maybe you can track down an original author from a website copy. I don't have the time to follow-up on this sort of thing.

These kinds of credit-less emails are all over the place but occasionally it's possible to track down an author.

[info]leboyfriend

4 years ago

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[info]acroyear70

4 years ago

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[info]leboyfriend

4 years ago

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[info]artnouveauho

January 8 2008, 00:13:51 UTC 4 years ago

STEVE REICH EFFECT: Similar to GLASS EFFECT. Child repeats same words over and over and over and over with tiny ever-increasing variations until he/she is speaking gibberish. Gibberish then slowly coalesces into comprehensible words again, by which time parent is insane.

[info]fr_defenestrato

January 8 2008, 22:20:04 UTC 4 years ago

Oooow. Ouch. Dag.

[info]mary_lennox

January 8 2008, 02:25:11 UTC 4 years ago

Haha! Gosh, it reminds me of my phonetics/speech path classes, but with more wit!

[info]voiceboxx

January 8 2008, 04:50:46 UTC 4 years ago

I wonder what the Beethoven effect would be like... (omgfavcomposer! *fangirl moment*)

[info]braynstorm

January 8 2008, 05:20:41 UTC 4 years ago

Most likely it would be:

Beethoven Effect: While very articulate, tends to take an excessive amount of time to end each sentence.

[info]packsofreasons

4 years ago

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[info]braynstorm

4 years ago

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[info]acroyear70

4 years ago

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[info]fr_defenestrato

4 years ago

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[info]joyley

January 8 2008, 10:28:02 UTC 4 years ago

I love this!!! Any ideas for Berlioz, Ravel and Vaughn-Williams. I'm rubbish at thinking of stuff like this.

[info]acroyear70

January 8 2008, 13:23:57 UTC 4 years ago

BERLIOZ EFFECT: Child will often talk in class until he actually has something important to say.

RAVEL EFFECT: Child willingly takes on any assignment, even writing left-handed, but you may not like to read the results.

I'm out on V-W.

[info]r_flautist

4 years ago

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[info]acroyear70

4 years ago

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[info]montensem

January 8 2008, 21:21:58 UTC 4 years ago

BOULEZ EFFECT: Child seems to be in a perpetual state of contemplation, rethinking and rewording all he has to say, sometimes even before he's finished saying it.

[info]artnouveauho

January 8 2008, 22:29:36 UTC 4 years ago

BIRTWISTLE EFFECT: Child says interesting things, but in an ugly voice with occasional screaming fits.

[info]captrenault

January 8 2008, 22:59:31 UTC 4 years ago

GERSHWIN EFFECT: Child will spend his entire time trying to convince parents and teachers that he's not just writing slang.

[info]acroyear70

January 10 2008, 23:29:41 UTC 4 years ago

See also VAUGHN-WILLIAMS EFFECT (q.v. above) :)

[info]acroyear70

January 8 2008, 23:22:43 UTC 4 years ago Edited:  January 10 2008, 23:23:07 UTC

More ideas...

DVORAK EFFECT: Child always keeps trying to tell the other children how to be more like themselves.

HOLST EFFECT: The Child will someday make a speech so oft-repeated and over-praised that he'll lock himself in his room and never talk again. See also ORFF EFFECT.

LUTOSLOWSKI EFFECT: Child can never start playing games at the same time as the other children.

STOCKHAUSSEN EFFECT: Child will insist on splitting his friends up into separate rooms yet yell at them to play together.

[info]evilmattikinz

January 9 2008, 20:27:04 UTC 4 years ago

Mozart effect! Surely it's at least partly down to the conductor's interpretation and the musicians' ability, for instance repeated exposure to the Portsmouth Sinfonia rendering (or should that be rending) all manner of popular classics has made me the sane balanced individual I am today.


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